|
|
Post by Amber Jacobs on Aug 25, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
Amber took a breath and looked up at him for a moment, chewing on her lip. “I want to marry you,” she admitted. “Not tomorrow, but one day. I got married in California for all of the wrong reasons, Brandon. And I’m sorry about that. But, yes, if I’m being completely honest, I want to get married again. To you. Not anyone else, it’s not that my goal at the end of the day is a ring. But I think it would be nice to be married to the only man I’ve ever really loved.”
“As for kids, I don’t know. You don’t exactly seem in love with the idea you might have one now, I don’t know if that would be any different if it were with me or if you just don’t see yourself wanting kids. I think I’d like them, again – one day. There’s no alarm going off on my biological clock or anything. If it was a deal breaker for you, if you want me forever but you don’t want kids then I can live with that. All I knew before we started this conversation is that in five years, I want to be the fashion editor at Vogue and want you next to me every night. I didn’t want kids when I was married before, but I didn’t love him. I really, truly didn’t. But yes, of course, I want a different kind of life with you – the whole nine yards or as close as we can get. But I’m not walking out any door if you think that those are things you might not want.”
“What about you?” she asked hesitantly. “Where do you think we are in five years?”
|
|
|
|
Post by Brandon Finn on Aug 25, 2015 19:51:37 GMT
He supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised but he still felt his breath catch in the back of his throat. It had nothing to do with whether or not he saw himself marrying her, because truthfully he did, but it had a lot more to do with the pressure that he felt when he was around her. She had said that he was the only man that she had ever truly loved and the same could be said for his feelings for her. He had already known that most of his hesitation in truly committing to her was because this time he was serious about it - he was serious about her. This time, when he gave a ring to someone, he wanted to know that it wasn't going to end because he was in love with somebody else. And though he knew that wasn't likely, that she was the only person he had even even told that he loved her, he didn't trust himself to be ready to be enough for her now.
"Amber," he sighed, unsure what he really thought, or how he was going to communicate with it with her. "There isn't doubt in my mind that someday we're going to get married and have kids, buy a house in the Hamptons and have a dog or a fish or whatever other kind of animal you would want. But I just don't know if I'm going to be any good at it." The truth was that he did think that's where all of this was heading, eventually. He just didn't know whether or not it was feasible. "There are certain expectations that come with taking over my father's company, and with those expectations there are certain realities that unfortunately come with the job. I watched the job consume my dad to the point where I honestly don't remember him being around much when I was growing up - at least outside of holidays and birthdays."
And in all honesty, it didn't bother him as much as it probably should have. Brandon hadn't craved his attention or needed his approval and that had certainly made it easier for him to ignore the lectures about responsibility when Brandon had gotten a little out of hand. But he didn't know that he wanted to be his father. Just because he had to walk in the man's shoes from a career standpoint didn't mean that he had to do it in his personal life. He just didn't know if he knew how to separate the two halves. It was so much easier to picture now, without the reality of the job, than it was going to be in a few years.
"I don't know anyone who wants to grow up to be exactly like their parents, but I think that on some level that I'm already on my way. And it's not fair to you, or the fictional children we may or may not have, or the dogs, that I'm not around. I want to be part of your life in every sense of it, and I don't know that I can promise that forever. But I can promise it right now."
He didn't like being so open like this, it made him feel vulnerable and awkward and he needed it to stop. "You wouldn't happen to have anything stronger than wine hiding out around here, would you?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Amber Jacobs on Aug 25, 2015 20:14:05 GMT
Amber’s eyes lit up a bit when he talked about it. She was taken off guard, to be honest, that he had thought about any of those things, even fleetingly. And then there was the ‘but.’ And part of her knew she shouldn’t fixate on it, she should fixate on the first part. The part that she’d always, on some level, wanted with him. So when he asked for a drink, she nodded and walked over to the bar and rummaged around, pulling out a bottle of scotch. “I had Cassidy get it a while ago, in case you ever wanted it,” she explained as she poured him a glass.
“Brandon,” she said gently. “I think you’re different from your father. I think whatever kind of man you set out to be, you’ll be. And I know that I’ll love you the entire time, and that we can make it work if we want to. I don’t know what any paternity tests are going to say, or if in five years we’ll be in the suburbs or right here. All I know is I finally have you back again, and that’s what I want to think about right now.” She bit her lip and handed him his drink. “Can we just…take the rest as it comes for now?”
|
|
|
|
Post by Brandon Finn on Aug 25, 2015 20:26:40 GMT
Taking the glass and concentrating on it for a minute, he nodded before taking a drink. "Yes." He knew that he was naive to think that everything was always going to go swimmingly for them, and he knew that despite their conversation about their future and what came next, the reality of the situation was that he was going to need to figure out what was happening now. "I'll call Riley first thing in the morning to discuss what comes next - what our options are."
Regardless of what happened next, he was happy that Amber wasn't going anywhere. He had meant what he said when he told her that he envisioned their future together he saw all of the traditional white picket fences, he just needed some convincing that he could do it and not second-guess it. Brandon reached out and took her free hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I love you."
|
|
