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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 15:58:26 GMT
Brandon Finn had done a lot of stupid things in his life. He spent his high school years skirting around the possibility of being arrested for any number of things, and he had toyed with more people's emotions than he had cared to admit. He had always heard that people were meant to get wiser as they got older, but the truth was, he thought there were some things that people just never learned. Making smart business decisions had come easily and he had done quite well for himself in that respect, but his personal life had seemed to be in a constant state of disarray until just a few months ago. One of the largest mistakes he had ever made in his life, he had come to realize, had been letting Amber get on a plane to Califonia. Immediately following that, he made another large mistake by not following her, or at the very least calling her to tell her how he felt. And so he had spent the nearly ten years since then making one mistake after another, from drunkenly proposing to some model on a yacht to repeating the action twice more, with two other women. While he had felt that he had always done the right thing in terms of ending it with them and focusing on other, more important things in his life, there was a small part of him that wondered if these relationships had all ended because he had been afraid of making such a large change in his life. He had been afraid to tell Amber how he felt when they were eighteen and too young to know what they wanted for the rest of their lives, and he had been afraid to commit to women that he admittedly saw no future with.
But now, he was afraid of what it was going to mean to be a parent. When Amber had asked him what he saw for their future, he had been honest when he said that he thought that this day would arrive at some point. He loved the idea of them buying a house outside of the city, having kids, getting a dog, everything that he thought made a stereotypical family. The sort of family that neither of them really grew up as a part of. The problem was, he had assumed that this day was going to come later than it had.
He had been trying so hard to make sure that their relationship was solid, that he was proving that not only was he different than he had been ten years before, but also that their relationship was different. Very purposefully he decided to wait on proposing to her, and even while he had been annoyed to have been beaten to an engagement by Adam Tyler and Riley Nicholls, he knew that in the end that it was all going to be worth it. And he still believed that. There wasn't a part of him that thought that their lives wouldn't eventually unfold in that fashion. It was the timing that had made him start questioning everything.
When his new secretary had pressed herself against him and kissed him, that nagging feeling that maybe he wasn't ready for things to change had risen up again. It took just seconds for him to realize that this wasn't what he wanted and so he pushed her away and apologized for giving her the idea that this was something that he wanted. He had barely even registered what she had said afterward because all he could think about was whether or not he was ever going to let Amber know about it.
The guilt had gotten to him by the time that he had gotten home, and he sighed heavily as he shut the door to the Penthouse behind him.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 16:07:35 GMT
Amber was home already, she smiled happily when she heard Brandon walking into the Penthouse. “Hey! You’re home!” she exclaimed happily. She’d already changed out of her work clothes and into one of his dress shirts. The more time that had passed since she’d found out she was pregnant, the more she was allowing herself to get comfortable with the idea. Having Cassidy at the office continuously gushing over the fact that there was going to be a baby helped a great deal.
“So Cassidy was telling me about this guy from your office. She’s very smitten – it’s kind of precious. She was talking about him and walked into a wall. I didn’t mean to laugh – but I did, a lot. You’re pretty good at this matchmaking thing,” she teased. She’d been going through a few things for work but was shutting down her laptop. “Are you hungry? Because I’ve been craving Thai like crazy, not like a pregnancy craving. It’s really more of a habitual craving for some pad thai.”
She placed her laptop on the coffee table and then stood up, placing her hands on her hips. “How was work? Did you miss me?” she grinned.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 16:16:17 GMT
He didn't know if he was going to be able to tell her after all, she just seemed so happy and things between them were really so good, it was hard to think that he might ruin that for them. She had always been such a passionate person, from the way that they fought to the way that they made up, and even with how much she seemed to care for Cassidy and the guy they had set her up with. It was one of the many things that he loved about her, but it was also what made the idea of fighting with her, of hurting her feelings in any way, so terrifying. Brandon looked at her for a minute, finding it hard to smile at her and comment on how sexy she always seemed to make his clothes look on her because had this been any other day, that's what he would have done. But it wasn't just any other day, and he knew that the longer he waited to say something to her, the more painful it was going to be for her, and the more guilty he would feel.
"I kissed someone else," he admitted finally. "And I'm so sorry."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 16:23:31 GMT
Amber blinked, pausing as though she might not have heard him correctly. Maybe when they’d been seventeen and still doing things with other people to get to the other, a kiss would have been something simpler to ignore. But it was different now. Back then, there had been no dating – no shared living space – there hadn’t been a baby on the way. Taking a slight step back, she tilted her head at him. A thousand questions flooded her and she wasn’t sure which one to address first. Who was it? Was it the first time it had happened? Did it mean anything?
“Did you trip and fall into her?” she asked, her eyebrow lifting up.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 16:29:42 GMT
Brandon wasn't sure what to say to her, or if there was even anything that he could say to make any of it better. Somewhere along the line he had decided that honesty was going to be the best way to handle the situation and while Amber had directly asked him a question, the look that she was giving him clearly indicated that she was being sarcastic. How it had happened felt nearly impossible to explain, and he wasn't sure he wanted to go about volunteering the details of the encounter.
"It didn't mean anything," he told her softly, "I just wasn't thinking. It was stupid and I'm sorry."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 16:35:53 GMT
Amber bit her lip and shook her head. “Who was it?” she asked. “Is it the first time it’s happened?” She frowned and tore her eyes away from him, pacing away from him and trying to figure out exactly how she should be reacting to this.
“And yeah, I’d bet you weren’t really thinking,” she snapped a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t really understand how it happened so I’m going to need you to walk me through it.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 16:56:55 GMT
"It was Gwen," he said, "My new secretary." He frowned, realizing how cliche that it sounded to hear it out loud. Of all people that it could have happened with, he supposed that there would have been a less stereotypical woman than his secretary. But, he reminded himself, the fact that he was even thinking like that was the biggest problem in the first place. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, and he felt guilty that he had a moment of weakness. "And yes, this is the first and the only time that it's ever happened."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 17:08:06 GMT
Amber ticked her eyebrow up at Brandon before letting out a dry laugh and shaking her head. “Wow, I feel like an idiot,” she nodded. “Sitting around, waiting for you to come home from work – thinking about the fact that – yeah, it might actually be really nice that we’re starting a family. Telling myself that even though you have to work such long hours, it’s fine because I know that you’d rather be here with me – good thing you had someone else to really ease that burden.”
“And, no, Brandon – it did mean something. Because talking about what kind of office supplies you prefer doesn’t usually lead into anything remotely intimate. So I’m going to go ahead and assume that there was some kind of build up to it.”
The more she thought about it, the more agitated she got. “I’d almost forgotten what this felt like. This thing that you and I used to do – except it’s worse now, you know? Because I actually got my hopes up this time.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 17:52:25 GMT
She was absolutely right, this was exactly the sort of thing that they used to do to each other. Something would happen, she would tell him that she loved him, he would get scared and he would do something rash. A lot of the time it involved him sleeping with other women, which in turn would cause their relationship to fall apart, and she would retaliate by sleeping with someone else. As much as he didn't want to admit that it was the case, a lot of the reason why he had such a hard time being friendly with Adam Tyler was because he knew that he had been the person Amber had turned to after he had done something stupid. But things were different now. He hadn't slept with Gwen, and they were adult enough now to know that they had responsibilities to at least be there for their future child. It really was so stupid and he wished that he could have taken it all away. "I would rather be here with you," he admitted.
Brandon sighed heavily again, wishing he wouldn't have told her, wishing that he wouldn't have done it at all. "But Amber, what do you want me to say? It was a mistake and I'm sorry, but I thought I owed it to you to be honest."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 18:23:19 GMT
Amber looked sadly at him. “I know that you’re sorry,” she admitted. “But if this happened, maybe it means on a subconscious level, that you’re not sure about this.”
“My mother never wanted to be a mother, and she resented my father and me and I felt it every single day. And I don’t want you to feel trapped one day and realize that maybe…” She hated this feeling. It was so rare that she let herself get to this point in front of anyone, but she felt her eyes well with tears and tried to blink them back. “I can’t let our child feel that way, I won’t.”
Turning away from him, she shook her head. “I think maybe we need to take some time, for you to be one hundred percent sure, Brandon. And, no matter what you can be as involved with the baby as you want but I think…” she paused, realizing the gravity of everything that she was saying – what it possibly meant for them and her heart ached. She let out a soft sob, hand moving to cover her mouth. “I think we need some time apart.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 18:30:03 GMT
He hadn't been sure about it, and he knew that was what had caused him to make the decisions that he had, he knew that it had been what had driven himself to flirt back with Gwen, even if it had been so seemingly innocent at the time, and it had been what had caused him to hesitate when she ended up kissing him. There was no doubt in his mind that had he not stopped it, it would have gone much further than it had, but it had stopped because he was sure about one thing. He loved Amber more than he had ever loved anyone else, and he knew that he was never going to do anything that would jeopardize their relationship. Unfortunately, it seemed like it was too late.
Brandon's stomach had knotted and he thought for a second that maybe his heart had stopped beating until he heard his blood rushing in his ears. This couldn't be happening, and he was determined not to let it. "No," he told her firmly. "Amber, I can fix this. Just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 18:50:41 GMT
“I don’t know how to fix it right now,” she admitted sadly. Part of her wanted to forget it – all of it. But she wondered when something else would happen – or if she’d just spend the rest of her time with him on edge that the other shoe would drop. She did her very best to suppress a sob and shook her head.
“I should go,” she insisted, turning around and walking towards the bedroom to change into something she could wear out of the Penthouse. Every part of her ached and while there was a voice in the back of her head telling her to just go to him and let him hold her, she knew there would be this lingering doubt and the weight of the fact that he’d just kissed another woman. She cleared her throat. “I’ll stay with Cassidy for the night or get a hotel room.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked up at him sadly as she pulled a pair of jeans and a blouse out of the closet.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 19:28:16 GMT
Brandon thought for sure that he could physically feel his heart breaking as she turned to go into the bedroom, their bedroom, to change. He didn't want her to leave, he wanted her to stay right here and fight with him to get it fixed. He wanted them to fight for their relationship, to fight for each other, but he didn't know how to start a fight with her when she seemed to be barely holding it together in the first place. It had been a long time since he had seen her cry, and he knew that this was one of those weird powers he seemed to have over her, and he hated it. "Don't go," he insisted. "Just yell at me and get it out of your system."
He wasn't sure that she would, though, and the thought of letting her walk out the door without any idea of when she would be back, if she would be back, would terrify him.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 15, 2015 19:52:02 GMT
Amber bit her lip and looked at him sadly. “We can’t fix this the way we normally do, Brandon,” she told him sadly as she started to change. She felt completely out of sorts and she wasn’t even sure what her next step was. She bit her lip looked down, “I love you, but it hurts to be here right now.”
“And yelling won’t fix it,” she added sadly. “Because I’m not mad so much as scared.”
She wiped at her eyes and tried to take a few breathes. “I just need a bit of time. I think you need to take a bit of time to really decide if just being with me from now on is really enough. And you can’t answer that right now just because you want me to stay. I need to be sure so I need you to be sure.” She sniffled and moved around the Penthouse to gather her bag together, trying to remember what she might need for work the next day.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 15, 2015 20:07:01 GMT
He was scared too, of so many things right now that he didn't even know what he could say to make her feel better, or to make himself feel better. Brandon wanted to open his mouth to tell her that he was sure, that he had made a mistake, but he knew that he wanted to be with her no matter what it meant, but even before he could get a chance to say that to her she had said that she didn't want him to answer right now. "So what are you saying?" he questioned, wanting to ask her outright if this meant that they were over, if she was coming back tomorrow so that they could fix it, or just if she had any idea where they went from here. But he was afraid to know the answer to any of those questions. "How much time do you need?"
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