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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 8, 2015 20:26:45 GMT
It hadn't been easy to watch the emotional roller coaster that Amber seemed to have been through over the last several months. It seemed like the closer to the baby's due date they came the more difficult it was to know what the right thing to do was. Brandon had thought that it was going to be easy to make her feel better about the stresses on her body, but there seemed to be so much more to it than just that. There was only such much that he could say to help her feel better about it all, and there was unfortunately only so many things that kisses seemed to be able to fix now. In no small way, he knew that it was also his fault that things were a little more stressful than it needed to be. In a move that was very out of character for them, it had been a little bit since they had had sex. Despite knowing that there wasn't a problem with actually going through with it, at least in terms of the baby, he didn't seem to be able to get over the thought of it. It was just so bizarre to think that there was a little person in there and that he might have been disturbing the baby in any way. It was perhaps selfish and stupid, he knew, but he hadn't realized how strange it was going to seem.
But it wasn't just the lack of sex, either. It was the fact that it seemed like everyone around them was getting engaged or getting married. After so much time in an on again, off again relationship he really had thought that he and Amber would have been the first to get engaged. He hadn't been ready for it when they first had gotten back together, and taking the step to ask her to move in with him had been what he thought was a step in the right direction. Naturally he assumed that an engagement would have been the next step, but when Amber found out that she was pregnant, it had just seemed like the wrong time to ask her to marry him. Especially after Cassidy had pointed out that he shouldn't propose just because he thought that it was the right thing to do now that they were having a baby. It just seemed like they were being outdone by everyone around them when it came to taking the next step in their relationship. It hadn't been a big deal when Riley and Adam had gotten married, simply because their history extended much further back than their course of their relationship. Madison and Cooper had stung a little if he was being entirely honest, and while Parker and Olivia had history as well, their relationship had always been much more tumultuous than Brandon and Amber's own.
Olivia and Parker's engagement had made Brandon feel entirely uncomfortable at the Memorial Day party, and so when Amber had seemed to want to leave, he had been only too happy to get them out of there. Now, back at the Hamptons house, it felt like he could finally relax. He just hoped that Amber felt the same way. Loosening his tie, he watched her for a moment. "How are you feeling?" For whatever reason, he didn't seem to be able to ask her anything else recently.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 8, 2015 20:37:24 GMT
The ironic part about all of it was Amber didn't want to get married while she was pregnant. She didn't want to have sex while she felt thoroughly unattractive. She didn't want to do things just because someone thought that was the traditional order to do them in. She wasn't jealous of any one person in particular, she just was feeling emotional and insecure. That was shat she assured herself on the way from the party back to the home that they'd rented for the holiday weekend.
But she realized that there was something else that she was feeling a bit down about and that was her inability to pick a name for the baby. There were so many things that were changing and at the end of the day, Amber was most afraid of things changing between her and Brandon, and while she understood his reservations about being intimate while she was pregnant, she also missed feeling like it was impossible for him to keep his hands off of her.
She knew that it was stupid and even a bit absurd to be as upset as she had been lately. And so hadn't really said much about any of it, not wanting to complain or make anything worse with a fight.
She toed out of her shoes and shrugged her shoulders at his question. "I'm okay. Tired," she said softly. "Could you unzip me?"
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 8, 2015 20:53:16 GMT
Brandon nodded, walking up behind her. He hesitated at the zipper of her dress, tugging it down slowly and pressing a soft kiss to her newly exposed shoulder blade. The thought that this was the closest that they had really seemed to get lately was still bothering him, especially as he realized how much he had missed the intimacy of their relationship as well. Brushing her hair aside, he kissed her neck as well, his hands at the sides of her waist. "Do you need anything?" he asked softly in her ear.
It seemed like he was always just moments away from saying something that she was going to be upset by and he had been trying to be very careful about what was said, but he felt like bottling everything up was only going to result in there being issues later. The issue now was that he felt like he couldn't be honest with her about his own concerns without making things worse for her, but she also seemed to be trying to avoid saying anything to him about her own concerns either. They had reached an impasse and he didn't think that it there was going to be an easy way to move past it.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 8, 2015 21:13:38 GMT
Amber let out a soft moan when his lips brushed against her skin. In all honest, her hormones had been turning her into one pent up mess in the recent weeks. But she knew that Brandon didn't feel comfortable having sex while she was pregnant. And while she'd contemplated drawing some sort of a diagram to explain his concerns were a bit flawed biologically, she didn't want to make him feel obligated. And now the longer she went without being intimate with him the less secure she felt about it to begin with. Shaking her head at his question, she stepped away. "No, I'm just going to get changed," she insisted, reaching for her pajamas and starting towards the bathroom to change.
"You know I can't tell if social functions with our friends are more awkward than before or if I was just too drunk to notice," she grinned. "At least we won't have to go to Parker and Olivia's wedding. The guest list of people that they like who can tolerate them must be short," she quipped.
"You know what the best part about being parents is going to be? We can lie about not being able to find a babysitter when we want to avoid people." She laughed as she slipped into the bathroom and proceeded to get changed, calling through the door. "He's already our little get out of jail free card."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 8, 2015 21:32:06 GMT
He sighed when she moved away from him. Despite all of his own hesitations with it, simply being around her always seemed to arouse the same feelings of desire. At least he knew that was never going to change, regardless of the frequency of their sexual exchanges. And if he was being entirely honest, the more he tried to remember why it seemed like such a problem, the more he started wondering if it was even worth it. The only time in their lives where they hadn't been together intimately on a regular basis had been while she was in California, but even then he knew that if they had the opportunity to change that, they would have.
"They might be more awkward," he agreed, taking his jacket off and hanging it back up in the closet. "But you do have a point. I can't imagine they're going to have a large wedding considering the lack of enthusiasm over their engagement." As soon as he said it he wished that he would have thought to reword it. Amber hadn't seemed particularly thrilled over the news, and quite frankly neither had he. It still seemed impossible that those two could have any sort of real relationship together, but he was trying not to think about it too much.
"You know," he called back to her, "We really should pick a name for him soon. I just feel like the sooner he has a name, the more real that it all becomes. Plus it might be weird for him to be born and for us to still not know what we're calling him. What are we supposed to say when we meet him -"Hi tiny baby we still haven't figured out what to call?" It seems like it might be a mouthful."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 8, 2015 22:09:40 GMT
When it came to naming the baby, it was one of those things that gave her pause. "I think it's hard to name him before we meet him, don't you? What if the name doesn't fit and a week into it we're like 'Well, time for a do over'? I think baby names should come with a trial period," she joked. Walking out of the bathroom she sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. Cassidy's mom says its best to pick a name depending on the last name, so I guess that's a good point of evaluation."
"Did you have any ideas?" she asked, crossing the room to look through her bag for her glasses. Slipping them on, she looked up at him and pursed her lips. "Any Finn family name you'd like to pass down the gene pool?" She quipped.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 8, 2015 22:33:52 GMT
Brandon supposed that it was a valid point, that unfortunately names weren't really one of those things where you could change your mind later and go back on it. Really it seemed like there was a lot of pressure to pick the right name for their kid, but maybe it was one of those situations where based on the name that they picked, that was the sort of personality that he grew into. It was the combination of her statement about picking a name based on the last name and the question of whether or not there were any Finn family names that he realized he had never actually considered the fact that the baby wouldn't have his name. And while she hadn't mentioned it, nor did he think there was any reason not to bring it up, he was also realizing that he always assumed that having a baby would cement them as a family and that it was going to lead to he and Amber getting married sooner or later. Sooner, actually.
"No," he shook his head. "Nothing that really stands out. Unless you just want to name him Brandon. But, I feel like that might get confusing in the long run."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 9, 2015 0:11:55 GMT
Amber smirked at Brandon, "Like Brandon Junior? Tempting but I don't know. I think it could get confusing," she agreed. Reaching for his hand, she pulled him in for a quick kiss. "I just sort of haven't given it much thought, I promise to think about it more when it gets closer. Cassidy has books of names at the office. Though she highlighted 'Cassidy' in all of them."
Sighing, she bit her lip and glanced away. "Brandon?" she started slowly. "I know I haven't been the easiest to get along with lately and I'm sorry for that."
Taking a moment, she squeezed his hand. "I've been cranky and tired and I've been feeling like...I don't know. I'm just sorry that we can't even go out and enjoy a party together lately."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 9, 2015 0:25:27 GMT
Brandon nodded his agreement to wait until the baby's due date to try and start coming up with a name. Though he was sure that when the time came that he still wasn't going to be naming his son after Cassidy.
"It's okay," he reassured her. "I know that all of this hasn't been easy on you either. Both with the baby and with... Everything else." Though she hadn't said it, he assumed that there was more to it than just hormones and exhaustion. Having known Amber for as long as he had, he was sure that had it not been for the baby they might have still had to have a conversation about the fact that everyone around them was getting engaged and they still hadn't.
"If there's anything I can do to help, just tell me."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 9, 2015 0:44:48 GMT
Amber sighed, pursing her lips for a moment. "I mean, I guess I've just been wondering if there's maybe another reason that you and I haven't been..." she trailed off and frowned. "I miss us together. I know that it's uncomfortable for you and I even get why. I just want to make sure it's not because you don't...I mean I know that lately I'm not exactly..."
"I know that I'm not exactly the sexiest thing to walk the earth lately," she admitted. "And I know probably with the way I've been acting like such a brat, it's not the most appealing prospect. But if it's more than just the weirdness, I'd like to know."
She frowned and looked down. "I just worry that you don't actually want me anymore."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 9, 2015 0:56:38 GMT
Brandon frowned. He hadn't even thought that she would ever worry that he didn't want her. In the fifteen years since they had first gotten together, there hadn't been a single day where he hadn't wanted to be with her. Even with distance between them and even with nearly a decade between their time together, he hadn't ever thought that he wouldn't want to be with her. And even now that wasn't the case. It was becoming truly unbearable.
Squeezing her hands, he shook his head at her. "Amber, that is never going to happen. You are by far the sexiest, most amazing woman that I have ever met. And yes, I'll admit that it's weird to think about having sex right now, but I do think about it. All of the time." In fact, the more he thought about it, the less he was finding it to be strange. After all, the baby wouldn't exist at all if it wasn't for them having sex in the first place.
"Amber, I'm always going to want you. For the rest of my life," and that was the other thing that he couldn't help but fixate on. He had every intention of spending the rest of his life with her, he just hoped that she wouldn't get tired of waiting for him to make his move before he got a chance to do so.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 9, 2015 1:08:19 GMT
Amber smiled softly at Brandon, not quite sure she believed him. Taking a brief moment to wrap her arms around him, she looked up at him. "The rest of your life?" she echoed gently. "I love you, but I mean...Brandon," she looked up at him and tilted her head. "I also don't want you to think that just because we're having a baby and our friends are getting engaged means that I'm unhappy with how things are."
"I won't lie, I want to marry you. I think that being Amber Finn sounds pretty great. But I also want you to know that you don't have to just because it's the right thing to do." She nodded a bit, looking down. "As long as I'm with you, I'm happy."
"Though, there is one thing, and it's stupid..."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 9, 2015 1:15:57 GMT
Brandon sighed, frowning at the idea that he would only want to get married to her because it was the right thing to do. It seemed ridiculous that there was a societal expectation that people had to get married before having kids, and for the people who had kids first, they shouldn't have had to feel like they had to get engaged. If it wasn't for the baby, Brandon knew that he and Amber were still going to get married some day. He just didn't know the timing if it. Having a baby did nothing but helped to accelerate the timeline.
Smiling softly at her, he kissed her quickly. He had to admit that he kind of liked the sound of Amber Finn too. "What is it?"
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Nov 9, 2015 1:23:55 GMT
"It's really stupid, but I just think it makes me a bit sad that our first set of Christmas cards as a family can't say 'From the Finns.'" She muttered. "'Merry Christmas from Brandon and baby Finn. And Amber Jacobs." She waved her hand dismissively. "It's stupid. I've just never felt much like part of my own family, and I know it's just a name but I can't help feel a bit weird about it."
Frowning, she looked down and pursed her lips. "I feel like I'm being ridiculous."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Nov 9, 2015 1:34:02 GMT
There didn't seem to be a simple solution for the problem. Sure they could get married and solve the problem that way, or there was the option that they did something like hyphenate the baby's last name until they got married. Or they could just not send out a Christmas card. Though knowing how much Amber loved Christmas, he didn't even want to suggest that.
"I don't know what to do," he admitted. "We could get married if you thought that it would make things better but I had hoped that if and when it happened that it would be on our terms. Or, we could hyphenate the baby's name."
He pressed another quick kiss to her lips, "Either way, you, the baby, and I are going to be a family. I don't think we need to all have the same last name for that to be true."
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