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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 0:29:19 GMT
Amber looked up at him for a moment, brow creasing. "I didn't know for certain and I wanted to wait until my doctor confirmed it, and then once he did I did - you've been busy and it's not really something I wanted to blurt out without us having time to talk about." Frowning, she looked away and shook her head, standing up again and pacing away. "And back there it was...complicated," she frowned. "I mean, we were sixteen, I went to make sure and it ended up not being the case. Was I supposed to tell you over drinks - 'Hey, guess what - I thought I was pregnant, but don't worry, I'm not and you're off the hook, so let's just resume business as usual?'"
"And then the second time, we were broken up. You were already dating Erin by the time I knew anything. Was I supposed to knock on the door and say 'Brandon, by the way, I was pregnant and too stupid to figure it out and lost the baby, I'm so sorry. But hey, at least you can keep dating my best friend?'" She took a breath and frowned, realizing that it was something she'd never talked about to anyone. "I'm sorry," she said sadly. "I should have told you about it, all of it. I just didn't know how."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 0:48:46 GMT
Whether she knew for certain or not was irrelevant, at least as far as his feelings on the matter were concerned. The concern of not knowing should have been something that they shared in together, not just something that she held back on until she decided that he deserved to know. This was as much his as it was hers. Brandon knew that things had been complicated, and then they hadn't been the most stable couple in the world, but he would have been able to be there for her. He could have done more than just go around being ignorant about the entire situation. "So I didn't deserve to know because you thought it might be difficult to tell me?" He gave a small dry laugh. "That's not fair, Amber. That's not fair to me, and that's not fair for you. I could have been there for you, I could have done something to help you through it."
It wasn't even necessarily the past situations that he was having a hard time with, as quite honestly he wasn't sure that he would have really been much help then, but he thought they were past all of that now. "I would have made time to talk about it," he told her a little more forcefully than he had meant to. "You should have told me when you thought there might have been something going on."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 1:29:19 GMT
Amber frowned, crossing her arms in front of her. "I'm sorry," she muttered. She took a deep breath, dropping into a chair and resting her head in her hands. He'd known that she was pregnant for less than half an hour and she already felt like it was too much. Like she was already making mistakes, and the feeling of being overwhelmed that she'd been putting off for the past few weeks before before telling him was happening quickly. "It was selfish not to tell you," she admitted sadly.
"I don't know how to do this," she admitted gently, sniffling a bit. "I just didn't want to admit that maybe I can't do this. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just as scared as I was back then and still screwing it up just as much as I did back then." She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down a bit more. But the reality of talking about it made it feel so much more real - so much more imminent. She was pregnant. Over ten years ago, she'd been pregnant and hadn't even known it. She thought about what it had been like growing up with her own parents and while she never wanted to be that kind of parent, she didn't really know how much better she could be. "I'm so sorry," she repeated again.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 1:51:23 GMT
Selfish, yes. Maybe. He wasn't sure if it was necessarily selfish of her to have kept it to herself or not. Brandon's concern was that he had missed out on the opportunity to be there for her at a time in which she had been concerned about whether or not she was pregnant in the first place. He should have been there for her to provide the support that she needed as she waited to hear back from a doctor or from a stupid test result. He should have gotten to know what that concern felt like, and he should have been able to see her reaction to it as soon as she found out. Now that she had time to process everything, she knew how she felt about it and he felt like he was so far behind her own acceptance. He should have been able to at least be on the same playing field.
And the truth was, he didn't know what he was doing either. He didn't even know how he really felt about the entire thing. It still didn't feel real. "I don't know what I'm doing either," he admitted. "I don't know what we're supposed to do next. I don't even know if I can do this. I don't want, I didn't want, you to feel like you were doing any of this on your own." He sighed. "We can figure this out together."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 2:06:10 GMT
"I know I'm not doing this on my own," she assured him softly. "I know you wouldn't really let me." Part of her wondered how fair that was to him, and she felt a surge of guilt again for not telling him sooner - or maybe even for not being more careful and getting pregnant in the first place.
Typically, with years of practice, Amber had gotten pretty good at never wearing her heart on her sleeve. Perhaps, from observing her mother, she'd learned that a woman's emotions could be her biggest weakness or even her biggest asset. When they'd only been teenagers, she'd been a bit better at it. She'd get angry with Brandon during fights but very rarely did she ever let him see that she was hurt by something he'd said or done. And now that they were together, older and maybe even a little wiser, it was still a card she placed close to the vest. Now it was more because she knew how much he loved her, that if she asked him to he would try to move entire continents to make her happy because she knew that she would do the same for him. It was something she could acknowledge now that they never really used against one another, because she would like to think he knew that she felt that way, too. But in a moment like this one, it was a double edged sword. There were so many things that she couldn't figure out how to articulate to him, and if she tried she wasn't sure she could make it through in one piece. She lived with him now, she couldn't excuse herself and wait until she was in the elevator or in an apartment of her own to dwell and cry. Brandon had every right to be upset with her, and she knew that if she broke down the way part of her wanted to - he would probably shove all of those feelings of his own away and not deal with them. She thought he deserved a bit more than that. Actually, she thought he deserved a lot of things, but those thoughts led to more dwelling.
"I need some water," she announced softly, standing up to walk into the kitchen.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 2:36:44 GMT
He ran a hand across his chin, trying to figure out if he should have just crossed over to her and wrapped his arms around her, pushing all of his frustrations away. But right now he was having a hard time pushing away all of his anger in a way that would be remotely comforting to her. She was right, though, he wouldn't have let her do this own her own. Call it chivalry or call it male pride but he felt like this was as much his responsibility as it was hers. The fact kept replaying in his head, however, the fact that regardless of what happened next, they were going to have a baby. He didn't know if the feeling in his stomach was slight excitement or if it was sheer dread. Considering the fact that he hadn't contemplated running yet, he figured he was safe to air on the most optimistic side of the two options. While he hadn't anticipated these changes to occur in their lives so soon, he would have been lying if he said that he hadn't assumed that it would have happened sooner than later. It just turned out to be a lot sooner than he had expected.
"Amber," he started, standing from the couch to follow her into the kitchen. "I'm sorry that you thought that you couldn't tell me sooner. I'm sorry that I've been working so much and I'm sorry that I was who I was in the past. But, I'm here now. And I want you to feel comfortable telling me things as soon as you know them. I want us to continue to share a life together. And I can't do that if you keep secrets from me."
He nodded, giving her a soft smile. "You have to know that I love you and I would do anything for you. And that includes being a good dad to our kid."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 3:06:40 GMT
Amber stood in front of the open cabinet where she'd been going to get a glass, but instead she stared at it and couldn't actually figure out what she was trying to do. She listened to him, turning over her shoulder to look at him. "I didn't mean to keep it a secret," she said softly. "I never doubted for a second how much you love me or the fact that I think that you're going to be wonderful at this." She leaned against the counter and blew out a breath, trying to figure out how to articulate what she wanted to say. "When I think about the rest of my life, you're the person I want next to me. I have no hesitations about that, it's always been you, Brandon."
"I don't have a good enough reason to tell you other than the fact that that's never been the person I've been. That's not a reflection on you, I swear it isn't. It's me and I wish I could explain," she admitted and cursed herself silently for the way her voice wavered. "I'm sorry, you deserved to have been told sooner and I promise it won't happen again."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 3:17:35 GMT
He was sure there was a lot that he still didn't know about her, or at least a lot of things that he couldn't comprehend. She had been somewhat of a mystery to him in high school and even now there were still things about her that he was sure he would never fully comprehend. No matter what happened next, he knew that he couldn't imagine what his life would be like without her now. In her absence he had tried to move on, he had tried to make something work with more women than he cared to admit to, and they all ended the same way. With Alayna, he had thought that they might have had a chance at a future but even that wasn't very solid. And it had been even more apparent to him that it would have never worked when she tried to use her kid against him in a ploy to get paid for it. But the fact was, he didn't' want to use their kid as an excuse to end their relationship. If anything, he was willing to use their kid in an effort to make their relationship stronger. "Good," he said with a quick nod. "It better not."
Brandon was willing to let it go as long as he knew that they could work on it, that they could continue to grow into the couple that he knew that they could be. He wanted this to be their real, true adult relationship, but in order to do that they had to be completely honest with each other. "Amber... we're going to be parents," he said, hoping that saying it out loud would make it feel more real.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 3:29:03 GMT
Amber heard him say it and she felt her stomach knot a bit - but not in the way it had in days previous. It was a different kind of feeling. She smiled softly at him and nodded. "We are," she looked up at him, tilting her head slightly. "How do you feel about that?" she asked him softly. She had to admit that while she was overwhelmed, terrified, and all together stricken with doubt when it came to what kind of mother she might be - that the idea that she and Brandon were going to be parents was sort of amazing. She knew it wasn't the best time, that it wasn't the right order - but their sense of timing for their entire relationship had always been pretty awful. But if this were going to happen at all, she was glad it would be with him. She had been telling the truth when she'd said she couldn't picture herself with anyone else.
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 3:46:02 GMT
Hearing her agree to it out loud had actually put it into perspective, causing his stomach to knot a little. She had questioned how he felt about it and he sighed, trying to figure out exactly how he really felt about it all. And truthfully, he wasn't sure how he felt about it. The only thing he had really been able to process at that point was that he was responsible for a new Finn child coming into this world. "I feel..." he trailed off for a second, trying to think of the best way to summarize his feelings. "I feel like I have a lot to learn. And I feel like it's kind of not fair that we're having a kid." He added with a smirk. Truth be told, whatever children were part of their child's class at school had no hope. He had to admit that they were inheriting impeccable genes.
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 3:54:59 GMT
She giggled softly at his smirk and pushed off of the counter, walking over to him and smiling up at him. "We'll learn together," she assured him. "And I'm pretty sure that it's not fair, but we've never been very good at playing nice with others, there's very little reason to expect our baby will be either," she joked. Chewing on her lip, she placed both of her hands on his shoulder and peered up at him with a soft smile. "We're having a baby," she whispered softly. "You and me. I know that it's unexpected and that we didn't plan for it but...that's basically how our entire lives have been, isn't it? We've always found a way to make it work."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 4:17:46 GMT
He cocked his head to the side a little, looking at her curiously. "How do you feel about it?" he questioned, knowing that he still had been unable to target her feelings on the entire situation. He was quickly becoming comfortable with the idea that he could eventually become a good father to their impending kid. He leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips and grinned, "It'll be great," he assured her. "We'll make it work."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 4:30:00 GMT
Amber smiled softly against his lips, nodding in agreement at his reassurance. "I'm a little worried," she said softly. "I don't know if I'm going to be very good at this," she admitted. "But I want to be. I want to be a good mom and I want all of it with you." She smiled softly, "And when think about the fact that I'm having a baby with you, I think it's pretty incredible. Like, I think if we take the timing and the unexpectedness out of the equation, that it makes me happy, you know? Because we're going to be a family."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 13, 2015 17:11:14 GMT
He had no idea if he was going to be any good at it either, or even if he knew how he was going to juggle all of these new responsibilities on top of the still new responsibilities he had taken on at work. It was difficult to try and figure out exactly what he was supposed to do now, especially when he considered how much he wanted this kid's life and relationship with him to be so different than the one that he had with his own father. He actually wanted to be around for it if it needed him. But all the same, when she actually said the words out loud, that they were going to be a family, a knot formed in Brandon's stomach. He just couldn't figure out if it was a good thing or a bad thing. "Well, at least we'll figure out all of this together."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 13, 2015 21:44:25 GMT
Amber nodded, tilting her head at him slightly. "I love you," she said gently, before moving to pull a glass out of the cabinet to that she could get herself some water. A lot of things were uncertain about the future now, but one thing was for certain - she was having a baby with Brandon. She pursed her lips for a moment before taking a sip of water. "I actually think that we'll be pretty great," she finally said after a moment. "We're pretty spectacular at everything else we do together, I don't see why this should be any different," she nodded, offering him a small smile.
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