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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 17, 2015 14:35:24 GMT
Brandon wasn't sure what he hated more in this entire thing, that her parents would have made her feel like this or that she had to go through the entire thing alone. He would have been there for her if she would have let him, he would have defended her and told her parents that she was going to make a great mother and that he loved her and wanted to be with her, but it had been his own stupidity that had kept him from doing it. There was a lot that he was coming to regret about the last few days, and he wanted to make it up to her in some way.
He nodded, "I promise. I'm sorry that you had to deal with them alone. I can go over there and clear things up for you if you'd like?" Maybe defending her to her parents was enough to start putting his words into action. "Or..." he hesitated to say it, unsure if it was too soon. He decided to go for a softer approach, letting her continue to reconcile at her own pace. "We can talk about it, if you want?"
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 17, 2015 15:07:52 GMT
Amber smiled softly at Brandon, shaking her head at him. “It’s really very sweet of you to offer, but you don’t have to, Brandon. But I’d like to go back to pretending my parents don’t exist,” she nodded. “It might be better that way.”
She sighed softly and looked up at him, she moved to sit on the edge of the bed and tugged on his hand for him to join her. “I’ve learned that I’m a miserable bitch without you around,” she offered with a soft chuckle. “I’m still terrified,” she admitted. “I don’t have nearly as much confidence in what kind of parent I’ll be as you seem to. But you’ve always sort of seen me differently than anyone else I know.” Biting her lip, she tilted her head at him, “The idea of losing that really scared me, too.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 17, 2015 15:40:59 GMT
He smiled softly at her, "I really am sorry." No matter how many times he said it, he still wasn't sure that it was going to be enough. They had gone past the point where he felt like he was still apologizing for kissing Gwen, but it was much more like he was apologizing for everything that he had ever done to make her question that he didn't want to be part of their relationship. And anything he might have done that would have indicated that he didn't want to be there for their child. In the aftermath of everything that had happened with Alayna, he should have been more sensitive and supportive with Amber, but it had been difficult for him to comprehend everything that was going on. It had also been difficult to understand how completely his life was going to change, as well as Amber's. Truthfully, the books Cassidy had sent over had helped, but it had also made him realize that they still had a lot that they needed to figure out.
"I'm sure I wasn't necessarily the best person to be around either," he admitted. "So maybe we should just not do that again."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 17, 2015 15:53:53 GMT
She nodded at him. “I think that’s a good plan,” she told him, leaning her head on his shoulder and taking a deep breath. “I really do love you,” she told him, looking up at him. “I think from now on you’re indefinitely stuck with me, Brandon.”
“Oh,” she uttered, standing up and walking to her bag on the dresser. “I have – from the doctor,” she rummaged through her bag until she found the sonogram picture. Biting her lip, she walked back over to him and held it out. “I heard the heartbeat, too,” she told him. “It was weird, like, um –“ she imitated the wooshing sound of the heartbeat over the ultrasound. She shrugged a shoulder up and smiled. “It was actually pretty incredible.” She was sad that he hadn’t been there with her, but she believed part of that was her own doing. “You can hear at my next appointment, if you want.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 17, 2015 16:10:17 GMT
He couldn't help but laugh at her description of what the heartbeat had sounded like, but as he looked down at the picture she had handed him, he realized how much he had wished that he had been there with her. The idea of having a baby had been what had made him feel the most terrified, but it was the thought that he could have potentially missed out on a lot of these small moments with her that had worried him too. Brandon nodded, knowing that he wasn't going to miss out on another doctor's appointment, or whatever else accompanied this next step in their lives. "I would like that," he told her, deciding that if now was all about turning over a new leaf, then he was going to have to be perfectly honest with her took. "Actually, Cassidy sent some books to my office recently and I just started going through them. Now that it's all becoming more real, it seems like we have a lot of planning and preparation to get done."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 17, 2015 16:19:57 GMT
Amber tilted her head at Brandon, “You’ve been reading baby books?” she asked, a bright smile forming on her lips. “Brandon, that’s really very sweet,” she told him. “We really do have a lot to prepare for and get used to,” she agreed. “But we’ve got some time and we’ve got each other, right?” she pursed her lips for a moment before leaning in to kiss him again. “I think if these past few days proved anything it’s that we’re sort of better when we’re together. And I know that I don’t want to be without you again and I think you’re going to be really wonderful at being a parent. And if things get hard, we can be a team.”
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 17, 2015 16:50:17 GMT
Brandon was beginning to feel like as hard as it had been to be without her, in some small way it might have been worth it for them both to take some time away from each other. After the reunion, it had been so easy to just get wrapped up in each other and focus on their own relationship that he had forgotten why the last ten years had been so difficult without her. It had been a harsh reminder but just being able to talk to her about their baby, and their relationship, seemed so much easier now. "Right," he agreed, mimicking her own actions and moving to kiss her, "And we should probably work on our relationship before we introduce a kid into it."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 17, 2015 17:07:48 GMT
“That would be good,” she admitted. “I can start by promising that next time things seem hard, I won’t leave,” she said softly. “And to always tell you everything. And I can be more understanding when we’re not on the same page.”
“It wasn’t really that you kissed someone, Brandon,” she told him. “It was…I thought it meant more than it did. But I also know that you’re not the same person I left in New York ten years ago,” she assured him. “We’ve both grown up and changed. Even before that, though, I knew that any time you hurt me it was never on purpose. I know what happened was a mistake.”
“I don’t know, Brandon. Sometimes, I think my parents are right about me and like I’m waiting for you to figure that out too and stop wanting me.” She pursed her lips and looked away from him. “I think that’s probably always been a bit of what my biggest problem is – why I run. Because I think it will be easier to do it before you have to. And that's not me doubting how much you love me, it's just how I feel about me.” She sighed softly. "No one has ever looked at me the way that you do, Brandon. And it's wonderful and I don't know if I'll ever get used to it, but that's why I'm worried about what happens if that ever goes away."
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Post by Brandon Finn on Sept 17, 2015 17:26:18 GMT
When he had first made the comment he had been thinking particularly about the physical aspects of their relationship, the part where he had been tempted to just pull her down on top of the bed they were sitting on and show her all of the ways in which he had missed her. When she launched into something more, he had sighed, knowing that there was a lot more to their relationship than just the physical parts of it, and their most recent argument had broken that too. Hearing her promise to tell him everything hit a lot closer to home than he had been expecting, because part of what had made him panic the most about their current situation was that she seemed to have kept it from him. And even if he wasn't focusing on this particular time, there had been two scares before that he had only recently learned about. They had a lot of secrets that they had probably been keeping from each other, and they had a lot of time to make up for. The truth was that neither of them was the same person they had been in high school and there were large parts of each others life that they had never gotten to know. And perhaps it was stubbornness that had kept him from asking before, but he wanted to know more about what she liked and disliked about California, he wanted to know more about the person that she had been in her marriage, and he wanted to know how it all had led her to this point. Most of all, he wanted to know if she was happy - if she could look back on everything that happened and say that it had been worth it.
"I'm sorry that I haven't been more open with you about how I feel," he confessed. "I know that just saying that I love you isn't enough, especially when it really just scratches the surface of everything that I really do feel for you. The whole thing with Gwen was a mistake - but it wasn't because I questioned whether or not I wanted to be with you or because I questioned whether or not I thought that I could be a good parent to our kid. It was because I had spent the last decade trying to be okay with the person that I was and could be without you. And obviously you know how that worked out - I mean, I called Eliot over the last few days because it was just something that I thought would make me stop thinking about you and about what my expectations for myself were. But as comfortable as I've always been being that guy, the one who goes out and gets into trouble like that, that's not who I think that I need to be. And that's not who I am with you," he sighed before smiling softly at her.
"I only look at you the way that I do because I think that you have a tendency to be yourself with me, just like I have a tendency to be myself with you. I'm sorry that I've let that scare me in the past. So, I'll make you a deal - let's just work on being open with each other and maybe you won't run and I won't do anything stupid anymore."
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Post by Amber Jacobs on Sept 17, 2015 18:57:21 GMT
Amber listened to him carefully, her chest constricting as he spoke – but this time in the very best possible way. There was really no doubt in her mind how she felt about him or how he felt about her. She brought her hand gently to the side of his face and smiled, “We can do that,” she agreed. “It’s a deal.”
Her fingers toyed with the buttons on his shirt and she peered up at him. “I love you,” she nodded. “I missed you so much.” She pulled him in for another kiss, this time pressing her body closer to his as her fingers undid on of the buttons. Pulling back slightly, she smiled at him. “You know, I haven’t checked out of the room yet. You and I should take advantage. Just a little getaway - like Paris.”
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